God's Design for Marriage

Category Archives: D&K

Oh! How I Missed My Husband!

January – March, 1999.

June, 2004.

July, 2004.

And now, May, 2012.

Only a few times in our marriage have Doug and I been apart for more than a couple of days. The longest was when we relocated to Colorado. We had a condo to sell in St. Louis, and I had a well-paying job. Our hopes were for me to sell it and then join him in our new home. That didn’t work according to our plan, and after 3 months, we gave up and sold it long distance — 5 months later. Then there was a missions trip, and a youth conference, and the week I spent helping my friend in Kentucky when her twin boys were born. But that was almost 8 years ago. So, I was not prepared for the emotions I experienced last week.

Sometimes it’s funny to me how the Lord knows the very best way to orchestrate things in our lives. For several weeks, Doug and I had been contemplating my going to help his parents move. I was very willing to go, excited even, but pulling all of the pieces together (schooling, kids, finances, etc.) wasn’t coming easily. And then He gave the nudge. It was actually more of a shove … into a van. I had little more than 12 hours to prepare for the trip, and in hindsight, that was a good thing. Although I felt slightly stressed at being forced to pull all of those pieces together, if I’d had much time to ponder leaving my husband (and children and home), it would have been much more difficult.

While I was in St. Louis, knowing that I only had a week to accomplish some gargantuan tasks, I had little time to sit and think. Another good thing, a blessing from the Lord. If I’d had much time on my hands to contemplate where my husband was or what my children were doing, it would have been much more difficult. How do I know? Because the few times that I was able to sit down and talk with him on the phone, the emotions welled up beyond expression. I missed Doug so much that I couldn’t even find the words to tell him so. I was reminded of him constantly throughout the day (I was in his boyhood home after all), and I longed to see his smile, to hear his voice, to have his counsel and support and encouragement, to feel his touch. I missed sharing life with him.

Now for some, extended times like these are a regular occurrence. (I don’t know what I’d do if my husband was an airline pilot, for example, but God gives grace to what He has called us to do.) And I suppose it gets easier with practice. But I can now (or again) attest to the fact that absence does make the heart grow fonder. And I’m grateful to be reunited with my man.

Wives, would you or do you miss your husband when he leaves? Or do you look forward to that “freedom”?

Guys, are you (striving to be) the kind of husband who is missed?

My Wife Returns

 

© Lawrencelong | Stock Free Images & Dreamstime Stock Photos

Krista comes home tonight!

She has been in St. Louis for a week helping my parents. I cannot wait.

She has trained my daughters so well that the household moves along smoothly without her. It’s not her work that I miss, it’s her.

I miss looking at her, smelling her, caressing her hair, sitting next to her, talking with her face to face. I miss her touch, her smile, her body.

Wives, I encourage you to be the kind of woman who is profoundly missed when you’re away. Husbands, be the kind of man who knows what he is missing.

My Husband, the Author

When that first proof of his book arrived, I was almost as excited as he was. I had to wait for him to arrive home before I could lay my eyes on the first material copy of his months of work. I could hardly wait! (It took longer to publish his first book than it took to gestate any of our children!) And now it’s finished …

Have you ever attempted something new without the full understanding of what it entailed? You get half-way into a project of any sort and realize,”Yikes, this is a lot bigger than I thought.” I think it often happens with home remodeling projects, but recently I learned that it can happen with other things as well. That’s how I felt when my husband began writing his book. Actually, he was about half-way into it when I realized, “Wow, this is a lot bigger and much more involved than I thought.”

For those of you who have never undertaken to write and publish a book, here’s a little description of how it might go:

  • Live for years with thoughts filling your head trying to escape onto a written page.
  • Choose a title.
  • Work for months pouring out your heart and soul and mind onto the written page.
  • Change the title.
  • Continue allowing the thoughts to escape, but carefully crafting the words … and recrafting.
  • Sit and watch your wife sob as she reads the first chapter wondering whether she’s touched or if it’s really that bad.
  • Piece by piece reveal those outworkings for the critique and opinions of others, making yourself completely vulnerable.
  • Consider those opinions … and recraft some more.
  • Change the title again.
  • Painstakingly endure your editor’s copyediting ensuring every comma, capital letter, and italicized word is correct.
  • Spend weeks formatting the layout, measuring margins, and selecting fonts and sizes.
  • Finally finalize the title.
  • Collaborate for weeks with a graphic designer on cover art.
  • Endure everyone’s opinion of the possible cover art.
  • Stand firm on your decision of the cover art.
  • Read it again … and one more time before sending it to be published.
  • Wait anxiously for days for the first proof to arrive.

This is only my interpretation of how my husband spend the past year of his life. But as I reflect on the mental and emotional energy he spent, I am awed, inspired, impressed, and proud (as his wife should be). I pray it makes an impact on all who read it. It’s a book about “putting Jesus in His place” — in your life, in your marriage, in your family, in everything — Exalted, where Jesus belongs. I encourage you to get your hands on a copy. Read it, and allow the Spirit to use it for your good and Jesus’ glory.

Soprano Sex?

Last Saturday, we were watching figure skating. (Actually, Krista and the girls were watching, Gabe and I were mocking.) At one point, Kenny G began performing. Krista asked me if he was playing a soprano sax. One of the kids heard something else and the conversation went like this:

Child: “Soprano sex? Did you say soprano sex?”

Krista: “No, sax…soprano sax!”

Child: ”Oh! ‘Cause sax is not sex. Sex is way different. They are not the same at all…”

[Pause for a few moments]

Child: “…Sax is not the same as sex. They are not the same at all.”

[Doug and Krista look at each other across the room, trying not to draw attention to their restrained smiles, thinking, Nope! Not the same at all.]

 

Every Day with K

Krista, My Love,

Every day is Valentines’ Day for me. No, we don’t use things like cards, flowers, and candy to make every day special. And we don’t go out on a date every day. And we don’t plan unique treats for each other every day. There is a reason why we don’t, a very good reason. If we did those things every day, then no day would be special. But when I think about what Valentines Day is and represents, every day really is Valentine’s Day for me. Maybe this brief poem will explain what I mean:

You are uniquely mine, every day.

Your kisses are sweeter than wine, every day.

You draw my eyes, every day.

Your love becomes my prize, every day.

You fill my life with cheer, every day.

Your arms invite me to draw near, every day.

You give yourself to me, every day.

Your smile says you are happy, every day.

You work hard to bring me happiness, every day.

Your desire is for my intimate caress, every day.

You give me your romance, every day.

Your song stirs our bodies to dance, every day.

You love me true, every day.

I remember why I married you, every day.

 

Thank you for saying “yes”!

Love,

Doug

 

What I Got For Christmas

I knew Doug had something up his sleeve for my Christmas gift. He was being obviously secretive. He tweeted last week that it would be completely different from anything he had done before. He also said it would either be a strikeout or a home run. It was definitely a home run.

He saved it, of course, for the very end of our gift opening because everyone knows the best is saved ’til last. He presented me with a video creation announcing a “Special K Christmas.” (Clever, isn’t he?) His gift to me was this: I had $200 to spend on anything I want. But, there was a catch. I had to spend every dime . . . ”just for me.” And, it all had to be spent by January 1, 2012. I had exactly one week to spend two hundred bucks exclusively on myself.

But there was more. He had arranged for the children to stay all day Monday and overnight with a generous couple from our church while he spent the entire day with me . . . shopping! I had his full attention and company for a day of mall-hopping, bargain-hunting, and chit-chatting! It was such fun contemplating what I could buy with that kind of money, and wondering if I should spend it all in one place or spread it around. And then spending it!

We enjoyed a great day together, and he was such a good sport as we explored all of the things a girl could want . . . jewlery, shoes, clothes . . . you get the idea. As if this weren’t enough, Doug went out of his way to make me feel special and give me preferential treatment the whole day.

I bought boots, earrings, a heart pendant, and I still have money leftover! (But the clock is ticking.) It was a great day, plus we ate where I wanted to eat, and he bought me a peppermint shake, and a peppermint mocha, and we watched a movie that I wanted to watch.

What an amazing Christmas gift! Thank you, my love. You knocked it out of the park!