God's Design for Marriage

Category Archives: Series

The Christ-Honoring Wife

The biblical paragon of wifehood is the woman described in Proverbs 31:10f. Her prowess and rarity are admitted in the opening statement, “An excellent wife, who can find?” Good wives, it seems, do not grow on trees. If you find one, you have a treasure worth far more than a pile of money.

The author reveals the characteristics of a wife who truly understands how to be a helpmate to her husband. We must be careful to observe that she does not sit around the house, dressed to the nines, sipping tea and eating bonbons while the governess performs all the wifely duties of the home. No, this girl is not afraid to get dirt under her fingernails. It is also clear that her labor is not confined to the four walls of her house. And yet, everything she does is for the benefit of, and with a view toward, her home.

Here are the verses with brief comments: Continue reading →

How to Pray for Your Spouse

Conversations from Ephesians . . .

When was the last time you prayed something like this for your spouse?

For this reason I bow my knees before the Father from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.(Ephesians 3:14–21 ESV)

Do it now! Pray through each phrase specifically applying it to your spouse. Take your time and sincerely bring your life companion to the throne of grace.

There is nothing he or she needs more than a greater grasp of the incomparable love of Christ. It would impact your marriage in significant ways. Pray!

Motivated by Grace

Conversations from Ephesians . . .

Is there anything worse than a nagging wife? Not much, in Solomon’s opinion, but how about a nagging husband? The man who arrives home and has a critical eye for everything his wife has done all day. The house isn’t clean enough or straightened enough. Dinner isn’t hot enough. She’s not thin enough. His opinions are well-known because they are so often expressed. That’s a form of nagging, and it isn’t any prettier or more acceptable coming from a guy.

For the past almost 3 months, my husband hasn’t “arrived home” from work. He’s lived here. Day in and day out, 24-7, he’s always been here. And he’s had ample opportunity to comment on the (unacceptable) condition of our home, the (lack of) meals I’ve provided, or my new daily sabbatical uniform (minimal make-up if any, jammies until noon, etc.). But you know what? He hasn’t said a word. Not one. I know the house is driving him crazy — because it’s driving me crazy. (We’ve been home from vacation almost a week, and we still have bags to unpack.) But he hasn’t even given the gentle encouragement he sometimes offers, “D’ya think maybe we could get this place straightened up a bit?” And better yet, this morning when the alarm went off, he told me to just keep sleepin’. What a guy!

Do you know what this provokes in me, as his wife? My response to this overwhelmingly gracious man? It motivates me! Out of gratitude for his grace, I want to make our home (and myself) worthy! The desire to please him wells up within and today (really), I’m going to get this place in ship-shape.

This is the same response we should have toward Christ for all He has done for us. We shouldn’t be motivated out of guilt. We shouldn’t feel resentful of His expectations and bitterly toe the line. We shouldn’t strive to merely complete a checklist of godly living because we know He requires it. But from a heart of gratitude should flow the desire to live a life worthy of the grace shown to us. And that recalls the analogy in Ephesians 5 once again. A grateful wife (picturing the Church) will respond to a gracious husband (picturing Christ) by desiring to serve and bless him.

Husband? Wife? How is your “picturing” these days?

The Reality of New Life

Conversations from Ephesians

All believers were dead in their sins, but made alive by God’s grace. If your spouse is a believer, that “all” includes him or her. Do you look for evidences of God’s grace in their life? Do you expect the Holy Spirit to be working? Do you view them through eyes of hope? Do you pray for their sanctification (and not just when they’ve done something you don’t particularly like)? Do you believe that they were created for good works?

Many, I fear, don’t. They either don’t think about it or they are basically resigned to the fact that the concrete is set. Yes, but God is actively chiseling all of us rocks into the image of His Son. Again, the all includes your spouse.

I challenge you to pray for growth in grace and to interpret each other as those whose best days are yet future. Grace and hope always create more joy than judgment and despair.

Hope, Worth, and Power for Your Marriage

Conversations from Ephesians

In 1:18-19, the apostle prays that the Ephesian believers would know three things: their hope, their worth, and their power. They have been called to eternal life with Christ. That’s hope! They are God’s glorious inheritance. That’s worth! They have been filled with the Spirit of God who raised Jesus from the dead. That’s power!

I wonder how many marriages would improve if they were infused with greater amounts of hope, worth, and power. I wonder how significant the improvement would be.

Think about it:

Our greatest joys and most satisfying experiences are yet to come. They arrive with the return of our eternal Husband. We must not seek in our earthly union what is intended for the eternal. Yet, this should not provoke a grin and bear it attitude. It should give us hope for today, too. Marriage is given to provide a foretaste of our coming delicious feast. We should work on improving the meal now, in faith, believing that the perfect cuisine will arrive.

We are God’s inheritance. That means that your spouse is God’s inheritance. He uses words like “riches” and “glorious” when speaking of it. What would be different if you regarded your spouse as a rich, glorious gift? You may say, “Yeah, but look at him. That’s no jewel. Nothing glorious about that.” And when God looks at you He says, “Wow! How lucky am I! She’s all that, and more!”? (Yeah, right.) Look with eyes of grace. Look at each other through God’s eyes.

Finally, the Holy Spirit indwells every believer. That means He indwells you and your believing spouse. You both possess the same power that made a dead man live. His job is to create more love, joy, peace, patience, etc., in both of you. Can you imagine how wonderful your marriage would be if you both grew significantly in these things? You don’t have to imagine it. You can experience it. You have the Spirit.

Krista and I can tell you firsthand how much this matters. We expect a better marriage (and ours is pretty doggone good now). We strive to regard one another as God regards us. We seek the Spirit’s help in growing and changing. The Bible is true. God is trustworthy. Do you believe it? Do you live it?

 

When Your Husband Is Not Enough

Conversations from Ephesians . . .

In my recent post about sharing your husband, I pointed out that God created women with needs that husbands are designed to fill. However, not every need a woman has can be fulfilled by her husband. If a woman is seeking complete satisfaction in her husband, she is going to be sorely disappointed. For while a husband was designed to meet many of his wife’s needs, as a sinful man, he is going to fall short.

But there is a Man who is capable of meeting our needs. And He doesn’t disappoint. He never falls short. In fact, by knowing Him, wives can be satisfied completely.

In Ephesians 3, the apostle Paul shares how he prays fervently for believers that from the riches of God’s glory they would be . . . “filled up to all the fullness of God.” He explains that that filling takes place through faith in Christ by the power of His Holy Spirit. And somehow, knowing Christ enables us to comprehend the incomprehensible ~ His love.

It’s the love of Christ that fulfills the needs not met by our husbands.It’s His love that satisfies. Christ’s love is complete and whole and perfect, lacking nothing.

So, wives, still seek for your husband to meet your needs, the needs he can meet, but remember that Christ can and will “fill you up to all the fullness of God.”

 

Mysteriously Generous

Conversations from Ephesians

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God’s plan to send His Son to be savior and king of the universe was carefully planned and executed. Also, it was well-hidden until the time came to reveal its wonder to the world. It’s what the Bible calls a mystery.

Marriage should contain an element of mystery, not as uncertainty or puzzling paradox, but as careful planning and wonderful display. Dates, getaways, gifts, and any other special expressions of love should be carefully planned and mysteriously presented.

Planning and mystery go together. Mere surprise is not the goal. Jesus did not simply show up and say, “Bet you didn’t see that coming!” He came to fulfill, to bring to climax, what God had been leading up to all the time. That a climax was coming was not a surprise, but its precise realization was. The process showed, among other things, that God had given significant forethought to His plan, that things had happened on purpose.

Husbands and wives like to be the recipients of these kinds of plans. We like to know that our spouse has done things on purpose. Specifically, we enjoy being the purpose.

It takes time and creativity to plan well and to take the cover off of a mystery in just the right way. But, for those whom we love, we find the time. We make the time. We want to be mysteriously generous.

Do you love your spouse enough to be mysteriously generous?