Aim for the Stars of Marital Rapture

Any Christian marriage which is accurately described as dull, passionless, belligerent, strained, or painful is a miserable example of a Christian marriage. Our Creator established this most blessed of relationships in order to grant us a taste of heaven here on earth. Indeed, the wedding night is one of the biblical metaphors for the bliss we will experience when our Lord Jesus returns to consummate His kingdom. He will join with His Bride (the Church), and as they live together it will most definitely not be a boring, lifeless marriage. It will truly be “happily ever after.”

God created marriage as a means of profound pleasure for a husband and his wife. The reason we often struggle to experience the intended happiness is because, like with everything else, sin has taken its toll. However, as new creatures in Christ—who makes all things new and is in the process of redeeming all things—we have the power of the Holy Spirit to overcome sin. Near (or at) the top of our list for applying this power needs to be marriage. Our goal must not be for a decent marriage where everyone gets along okay and no one commits adultery. No, our sights must be set far higher. We should aim for the stars of marital rapture. The proverbial honeymoon period ought to be the low point of a marriage’s satisfaction because as we mature as Christians, and as our love for each other grows, the joy should intensify, not wane. Anyone who observes a Christian husband and wife together ought to find themselves aching for a similar experience of delight, fulfillment, and gratification.

Alas, this seems so rare, so foreign to our thinking. Why? Is it because we are ignorant of God’s design for marriage? Or because we are lazy and prefer to remain in our sinful neglect? Or because we don’t really believe that perpetual pleasure is possible in marriage? Or because we are not convinced that God condones such an interest in earthly satisfaction? Or, worse still, that He opposes it?

The next few weeks of our Thursday study is going to be mostly concerned to persuade that God intends for us to enjoy marriage abundantly.

If God wanted to show the angels what He had in mind when He created marriage, would He choose yours as a good example? Why or why not? Talk about it.
If non-Christian people could get a good look at your marriage, would they see Christ in it? Would they want to have a marriage like yours? Would your kids? If so, how can yours improve? If not, what needs to change.
Pause and pray together about your marriage. Give thanks for the good things and ask for the Spirit’s help for needed improvement. (Remember, the God who created the universe with a word can create greater joy in your marriage just as easily.)

Wife, Does Your Marriage Lie About Jesus?

Wife, if we were to use your marriage as the portrait of Jesus and His bride, what would we learn about the Church?

Would your marriage teach that sarcasm and criticism are appropriate ways for the Church to speak to Christ?
That the Church should strive to look good while others are watching, but with Christ she gets to “relax” and “let her guard down”?
That it is right and appropriate, at times, for the Church to order Christ around, acting as His authority?
That the Church is faithful to Christ in body, but her mind and heart belong to another?
That when Christ fails to do things the Church’s way, she should belittle him to all her friends?
That the Church is free to have unspoken expectations and be upset at Christ for not meeting them?
That the only way the Church will motivate Christ is by constantly nagging and complaining?
That the Church was captivated by Christ early on, but somewhere along He became less admirable?
That if the Church is in a bad mood or hormonal, she doesn’t have to treat Christ with kindness and respect?
That the Church has it okay, but Christ isn’t as good a husband as other men she knows?

Or . . .

That the Church has great reverence and admiration for Christ?
That the Church is grateful for the many things Christ does to show His love for her?
That because Christ is her head, the Church is careful to speak kindly and respectfully to and about Him?
That the Church loves Christ with all her heart, soul, strength, and mind?
That when Christ makes decisions, the Church accepts them with trust and patience?
That when the Church speaks of Christ, she is careful not to say anything that would tarnish His reputation?
That the Church’s primary goal is to bring glory to Christ and honor Him in private and in public?

Wife, a good marriage shows the world how much Christ loves the Church and how much the Church honors Christ. Do your part to paint an accurate picture.

Husband, go through the list and encourage your wife with how she is a good example of the Church’s relationship to Jesus.
Wife, go through the list and acknowledge where you think you need to improve.
Pray together about pleasing Jesus and accurately portraying His relationship to us.

Marriage Like Gardening

I’m not a gardener. I would like to be. I like flowers and making things grow. God’s creation is truly marvelous, and I love to be outside enjoying it. But I’m not a gardener. It’s not for lack of trying, mind you. I’ve made several attempts. But, like so many things worth doing, gardening takes work.

Imagine a first-time gardener. She is enthusiastic. She reads up on gardening. She watches all of the YouTube DIY videos. She talks to experienced gardeners. She studies all of the flowers for her climate and region. She spends lots of time preparing. She is excited. And then she gets to work. She evaluates the landscape of her yard to determine the best place for her garden. She diligently works the soil, breaking it up, adding fertilizer and nutrients, removing rocks and sticks. She builds a border and possibly encloses her garden to protect it from unwanted pests. She purchases seeds or young plants to fill her garden. She doesn’t mind the hard work because she has a goal in mind, and eventually her efforts are rewarded. One day, she stands up and surveys her work . . . and it’s beautiful.

You might think that she has reached her goal. She has accomplished her task. She’s finished. But she’s not. All of this planning and preparation and installation is only the beginning. Now she must maintain her garden. She must be dedicated, giving it daily attention. She must water it. She must weed it. She must supplement the soil with plant food. She must monitor growth, prune her plants, and watch for dangerous insects. She must devote herself to keeping her garden.

It doesn’t take long, if left to itself, for a garden to go to pot. Believe me, I know from experience. Without daily attention, it becomes unruly. Lots of things grow naturally, but they aren’t the kinds of things you want in your garden. And then, instead of a little daily care and upkeep, you have a whole weekend’s worth of work to do . . . that you never get around to. And your lovely flower garden has become a mess of weeds strangling the colorful petals you once enjoyed. If years go by, you may not be able to tell that there was ever a garden in that spot to begin with, or you may occasionally find the remains of perennials peaking through to offer a glimmer of hope for the future or to simply inflict guilt.

Your marriage is the same way. Beforehand, you are so enthusiastic and excited. You plan. You prepare. You learn. You talk to married couples. You study your fiancé. You work — hard. And on your wedding day, it’s beautiful. But you haven’t arrived. You’re not finished. It’s only the beginning. Now you must maintain your marriage. And just like a garden, it takes daily attention. You must be dedicated to it — to water it, to feed it, to protect it, to evaluate what it needs, to monitor growth. You must be devoted to it. You must “get the weeds out” daily, so they don’t get a stranglehold on your marriage. If you don’t, little problems become big problems that take a lot of effort to overcome . . . and you never quite get around to. Months and years go by, and eventually you may not be able to tell that were was ever a marriage there to begin with.

So, let me exhort you, whether you’ve been married a few months or many years, give your marriage the attention it needs — every day. Be diligent to give this relationship the priority it deserves, whether it needs a little pruning or it’s infested with weeds. Be dedicated to maintaining, no, to growing your marriage into a beautiful garden.

Make It Sharp in 2012

Marriages don’t “work,” people do.

Joy and fulfillment don’t just happen, they come as the result of two devoted, hard-working people.

Like scissors, if either side isn’t doing its job, the couple will fail to do what God designed marriages to do.

So, how sharp is your side of the shears? What parts are blunt? jagged? rough? And are you closely riveted to the other, so that together you can make a clean, straight cut?

Take some time this week and talk together about 2 or 3 aspects of your marriage that need work. Then create a plan for working on them.

If you need some help, we would be happy to lend some direction. You can leave a comment by clicking here.

The Christ-Honoring Wife

The biblical paragon of wifehood is the woman described in Proverbs 31:10f. Her prowess and rarity are admitted in the opening statement, “An excellent wife, who can find?” Good wives, it seems, do not grow on trees. If you find one, you have a treasure worth far more than a pile of money.

The author reveals the characteristics of a wife who truly understands how to be a helpmate to her husband. We must be careful to observe that she does not sit around the house, dressed to the nines, sipping tea and eating bonbons while the governess performs all the wifely duties of the home. No, this girl is not afraid to get dirt under her fingernails. It is also clear that her labor is not confined to the four walls of her house. And yet, everything she does is for the benefit of, and with a view toward, her home.

Here are the verses with brief comments: Continue reading →

Is Marriage at the Top of Your List?

Have you ever gone through a season when you neglected your daily time in the Word? Maybe you’re there now. Somehow you just find other ways to fill that time or excuses as to why other things are more important. (I know, it’s hard to read that and believe any of us would think that way — that something else could possibly be more important — but I’ll bet we’ve all been there at one time or another.) The dangerous thing about not protecting that time, not valuing it as we should, is that it slowly becomes easier to dismiss. And as that happens, we miss it less. Eventually, it’s a distant memory and our conscience is seared to the Spirit’s nudging to “get back to it.”

Thankfully, the inverse is true as well. The more you spend time in the Word and time with your Lord, the more you want to. It becomes precious to you, and you can’t wait for the next time that you’ll have a few moments to ponder the Scriptures or commune with Him in prayer.

You know what’s coming next — don’t you?

It’s the same way in marriage. If you neglect your relationship with your spouse, you’ll find that it gets easier over time to make him or her less of a priority. The other things that fill our lives creep in and take precedence. It’s scary. It may not be intentional at first. It may just be a busy season in your life — a new baby, changing jobs, selling your home and moving, etc. But then, your baby melds into part of the family, the new job becomes routine, you unpack and get settled into your new home, and if you aren’t intentional about making your marriage a priority again, it won’t be. Having your spouse as an afterthought will get easier and more comfortable, “the new normal,” as they call it. And you’ll find that you no longer desire their touch or their attention or time together. As a couple, you will grow apart, go in different directions, turn your attentions to other things.

That’s why you must be purposeful and intentional about making your marriage your highest earthly priority. You must invest your time, attention, and money in this, the only relationship that will last until death parts you. Talk with your spouse regularly about how to “take things to the next level.” How can your marriage be even better than it is today (even if today it’s pretty great)? What can you do to become a better spouse? How can you make sure it will stay a priority? And the more you work toward keeping it at the top of your list, the more you’ll want to make sure it stays there.

Since our marriage is a picture of Christ and the Church, making it a priority should be of great importance to us. As our lives reflect that precious relationship, we should strive to make sure its an accurate picture, first for our benefit, and then for the benefit of those watching.

Motivation to Walk Worthy

Conversations from Ephesians . . .

So, have you been pondering your calling as a spouse? Have you been considering the way you should walk because of that calling? Sometimes, when thinking about what we should be doing, it’s helpful to know why we should be doing it. It’s motivating. It spurs us on.

And without knowing it, Doug so conveniently wrote on the why we should walk worthy. His article perfectly explains the motivation for our walking as Paul describes in Ephesians 4. If we stay mindful of God’s generosity to us, it should provoke generosity to our spouse. If we are marveling at God’s grace to us, we should be extending that grace to our spouse. The love and kindness and humility and patience that has been poured into us should flow out of us directed to those closest to us, primarily our spouse.

The “Golden Rule” says that we should treat others the way we want to be treated. Perhaps in marriage, a better exhortation would be to treat our spouse the way we have been treated — by God.

God's Design for Marriage

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