God's Design for Marriage

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Endless (?) Patience

About a year ago, my husband persuaded me to train our daughters in the art of doing laundry. My eldest caught on quickly and, in no time, I turned over to her the responsibility for the entire family’s laundry. She was a diligent worker, enjoyed it even, and soon I was convinced that she no longer needed my supervision. Oops! That was my first mistake. She was only ten-years-old at the time.

Eventually, her enthusiasm waned and doing the laundry became the chore for her that it had been for me. I neglected to make sure it was getting done in a timely manner, and we soon found ourselves not with pink underwear, but with no (clean) underwear! So I stepped in, as I was still ultimately responsible, helped her get caught up with the mounds of dirty clothes that had accumulated, reminded her of the impact this chore had on the entire family, and again turned it over to my daughter.

For the past several weeks, I’ve noticed that the laundry isn’t getting done — again. How has it come to my attention? The scenario goes something like this:

Doug (to no one in particular): Do I have any clean t-shirts?

Daughter (running down to the laundry room): I’ll go check, Dad.

Krista (under her breath, to herself): No, they’re all dirty.

Daughter (returning): No. Sorry, Dad.

And Doug goes to find something else to wear.

[Two days later]

Doug (to no one in particular): Is my red sweatshirt clean?

Daughter (running down to the laundry room): I’ll go check, Dad.

Krista (under her breath, to herself): Nope. It’s in the hamper.

Daughter (returning): No. Sorry, Dad.

And Doug goes to find something else to wear.

[Few more days later]

Doug (to no one in particular): Are my khakis clean?

Daughter (running down to the laundry room): I’ll go check, Dad.

Krista (under her breath, to herself): No, that’s the next load that needs to be done.

Daughter (returning): No. Sorry, Dad.

And Doug ends up wearing running shorts to the office.

I know that my dear, sweet, enduring husband has given me charge of our home. He has entrusted me with caring for our family, and I know that even if my girls are assisting me, the buck still stops with me. But he has never grumbled when his clothes haven’t been washed. He has never become sullen because all of his dress socks are dirty or the t-shirt he really wants to wear is at the bottom of the hamper. He has never made me feel bad for falling down on the job. Although he makes sure that I don’t pass the buck and blame my daughter (and believe me, I’ve tried), he reminds me gently and patiently . . . every time.

What Your Bedroom Says

What does your bedroom design say about your marriage?

Is it an extension of the office? closet? garage? kitchen? Just another place for stuff?

Is your bedroom decor intentional? If so, what is the purpose? If not, what does that tell you?

Do you have a TV or computer in your bedroom? Do you spend time watching or surfing which could (and probably should) be spent doing something else together?

What about sensual elements? Candles? Candy? Color? Do you have things which feel good to touch each other with? How does your bedroom sound?

What does your bedroom say about your marriage?

What Your Pajamas Say

Wife, what does your sleep attire say?

 

Does it invite the touch of your husband?

 

Does it say, “I’m cold, I’m closed, I’m unavailable” or “I’m yours, whenever you want me”?

 

Does it say, “My comfort is more important than our relationship”?

 

Does it say, “My love, look at me!”?

 

Husband, I’m not suggesting that your wife’s comfort is unimportant. Except for about three weeks in the heart of the summer, Krista gets chilly at night. But there are ways to encourage “more encouraging” sleepwear . Our bedroom has a space heater and a heated blanket (just on her side of the bed). It keeps her warm with less wrapping paper. Those gifts to her make for a tremendous gift to me.

 

As the years go by, has your sleep attire changed? Why?

 

What do your pajamas say about your marriage?

The Proverbs 31 Wife Is Womanly

She is not afraid of the snow for her household, for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She makes [bed] coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple (v21-22).

One of the casualties of the feminist attack on femininity is homemaking. It seems that fewer and fewer wives give much thought to providing a lovely place for their husband and children to dwell. Whether practical considerations like warmth and utility, or finer considerations like beauty and fragrance, the art of the woman is not what it once was. Biblically, however, the excellent wife is prepared for the varying temperatures that come with the seasonal changes, manifesting a sense of style to go with her very practical diligence. She cares about her family’s comfort and her home’s charm.

Of course, this loss extends to the husband as well. Modern men, especially as portrayed in sitcoms and comedic films, find the lovelier delicacies to be fodder for incessant mockery and disdain. Words like dainty, elegant, and exquisite are “wussy words” not to be said or appreciated by “real men.” Certainly, for a man to seek to be dainty is to forfeit his masculinity. But for a women not too is to forfeit her femininity. And for a man to scoff at his wife’s femininity is to forfeit God’s design for marriage.

For wives: Cultivate the lovelier things of your gender, as God made it to be. Make your home a delightful place. Remember, this does not make you a fragile flower incapable of strength and hard work. As we have seen, the Proverbs 31 wife is an enterprising, tireless laborer in many areas of life, inside and outside the home. But the latter should not destroy the former.

For husbands: Don’t make your woman feel stupid for being a woman. Learn to appreciate her decorative desires. Encourage her desire to practically provide for the household. Free her to spend time and money on making the home a wonderful place to live. You don’t have to become feminine to enjoy the benefits of a womanly woman.

 

Krista, the World’s Greatest Wife

I have the Worlds Greatest Wife. Recently, Krista put on her Proverbs 31 Wife cape and demonstrated her hard-working resourcefulness—she undertook to makeover our homeschool room. She transformed it from a drab, unimpressive cave, into a wonderful place for our children to learn. She was creative, frugal, and did a fantastic overhaul. She did it as a blessing to me and our kids. And she did it all without me. In fact, I was banned from the room for several weeks while she labored, start to finish, by herself (with a little help from the children). I have the worlds greatest wife!