The last one . . . for now.

“One thing that Doug used to do (but no longer does) that discouraged me or caused me angst is . . .”

. . . to get frustrated when I got emotional.

“One thing that Krista used to do (but no longer does) that discouraged me or caused me angst is . . .”

. . . talk seemingly non-stop of trivial, random things, while showing little or no interest in what was going on in my life.

A fill-in-the-blank this time.

“When Doug puts his arms around me and tells me I’m beautiful and a great wife and a wonderful mom and a marvelous homemaker, it makes me feel cherished.”

“When Krista shows appreciation for, or admiration of, my accomplishments or abilities, it makes me feel respected.”

Another set of questions . . .

“What are 3 things a husband should avoid doing on a date?”

1. Correcting and criticizing.
2. Checking e-mails and RSS feeds.
3. Looking at his watch.

“What are 3 things a wife should avoid doing on a date?”

1. Complaining about ANYTHING. Be thankful and show your gratitude!
2. Constantly talking about the kids.
3. Acting like she would rather be doing something else.

(By the way, Krista does not do any of these things.)

(Oh, and Doug doesn’t either!)

Here’s the next question:

“Describe your 3 favorite kinds of dates.”

1. Sitting at a coffee shop, talking, and writing for our marriage blog.
2. Walking and talking.
3. Dinner and movie.

“Describe your three favorite kinds of dates.”

Anything involving food. No, seriously . . . (actually, that was serious, but more specifically . . .)

1. Hiking or walking outside together.
2. Dinner and a movie (or a football game or a concert or . . .)
3. Sitting in a coffee shop (like Agia Sophia in Colorado Springs — great date place, by the way) and talking.

If you have any suggestions or want to share your favorite dates, please Comment below!

Another set of questions:

“What are 3 things that Doug does regularly that show that he loves me?”

1. Patiently corrects me on the same things over and over.
2. Never criticizes my appearance or the house or my cooking or . . .
3. Regularly spends quality time with me, giving me his full attention.

“What are 3 things that Krista does regularly that show that she loves me?”

1. She knows, specifically, what my schedule holds each day. She prays for me and inquires about my appointments, study, etc.
2. She greets me eagerly when I return home from anywhere.
3. She strives to be the perfect sexual partner.

Here is our next set of questions to each other:

“One thing that I (Krista) know now, that I didn’t know when we were first married, that makes me a better wife is . . .”

How easily I can disrespect Doug with my words, and how deeply that affects him.

“One thing that I (Doug) know now, that I didn’t know when we were first married, that makes me a better husband is . . .”

How to respond graciously, patiently, gently, and lovingly when Krista is emotionally struggling or hormonally challenged.

On a recent date night, Doug proposed a little marriage blog writing project. We thought up questions that might be helpful to our readers and answered them independently. After we had each answered them all, it was fun to hear the other’s responses. As you’ll see in the coming days, being married for more than 18 years has taught us much about each other. Here is the first question:

“What are three things that Krista knows now, that she didn’t know when you were first married, that make her a better wife?”

1. That being uptight and obsessively worrying are impediments to trusting relationships.
2. That serving Christ and loving others are to be her highest priorities.
3. That sex is something she could enjoy as much (or more, even) than me.

(Okay, so the “or more, even” is unlikely. But she has definitely learned.)

(Of course, maybe her enjoyment has more do with my learning how to make it enjoyable for her, but anyway . . . .)

“What are three things that Doug knows now, that he didn’t know when you were first married, that make him a better husband?”

1. The importance of verbal encouragement.
2. The importance of physical touch (w/o sexual intent).
3. To be understanding (at least) once a month.

And here’s a question for you, our readers: What are some things your husband or wife has learned in your years of marriage that make him or her a better spouse? Tell us in a Comment below.