Ladies and Gentlemen, this is a call to assist your fellow man and woman. Many of us struggle to decide what to buy for our spouses for Christmas. So, we’re asking for your help. Please leave a comment answering either or both of the following:
*A gift I received in the past that I really liked was __________?
*I think a great gift for a husband/wife would be ____________.
[Feel free to give more than one.]
What’s the best way to get a preview or heads-up for the next stage of your marriage? Talk to those who are either doing it now or who have done it recently. For example, if you are planning to start a family, talk to someone with a newborn. If you’re considering homeschooling, talk to a family that currently homeschools. If your last kid is leaving for college and your nest is about to be empty, talk to a couple who did this last year. You may not even know the right questions to ask, but just asking them to share can open the door for a wealth of information. Have them over for dinner. Find out what to do — and what not to do. Pick their brains.
The year before we began our family, a close friend of mine had her first child. A few months into my pregnancy, I took her to lunch and then to BabiesRUs. It was fantastic! As we walked up and down every aisle, she told me what we would need, what she considered a luxury item, what really wasn’t all it was cracked up to be, and some secret favorites that weren’t common knowledge. I felt so prepared because she took the time to tell me what was ahead.
We also latched onto a family with children several years older than ours and sought their advice on many occasions. We asked them about discipline and schooling and life in general with kids. And because we’d seen the outcome of their efforts in well-behaved children, we implemented many of their principles and practices as we’ve been traveling the parenting road.
Of course, not every couple’s path is going to be exactly the same, but there are some universal truths that everyone experiences. And it helps to know about them in advance and to come up with a game plan for when these things happen. In our pre-marital counseling, Doug and I try to do this very thing in hopes that the couples won’t be surprised or anxious, but well-equipped for not only those first days, weeks, and months, but hopefully the years to come. And we make it clear that they can always come back and talk to us any time so that we can continue to help them be ready for what’s coming next.
So take advantage of those who have gone before. You’ll be glad that you did.
A good friend drew our attention to a fine article about men and masculinity. It’s called Save the Males. Read it. Here’s how it begins:
Have you noticed? Men are fools.
For proof, just look at the jokes, the innuendo of stupidity, and the subject of thousands of sitcom gags. The fool, the oaf, the bumbling male is so common in movies that it’s expected. Jim Carrey, Jack Black, Ray Romano, and Owen Wilson have made millions strutting this persona.
Wives, are you addicted to romantic pornography?
Husbands, are you succumbing to the “ideal man” as elevated in romantic pornography?
Here’s an excellent article warning of the dangers for men and women.
A few years ago, a husband remarked (okay, complained) about how the colder temperatures of fall and winter always bring equally icy conditions in his bedroom (if you know what I mean). His wife’s winter PJs are thick, heavy, all-encompassing, and don’t easily let go of their owner. My friend spoke as if intimacy would soon be entering its annual state of hibernation.
Now, frankly, it does not sound as though my friend applied much effort to problem-solving here. The same resolve would surely get him fired at work. And it soon became clear that their romantic slumbers involve more than the changing of the seasons. Nevertheless, I graciously shared a couple of gifts from my Christmas past which would provide the perfect remedy (for this part of the problem, at least).
I told him that a couple of years ago I purchased a heating blanket for my wife. Big deal, you say, any guy can do that. Yes, but most guys don’t. Why not? Because most guys are not about to put something on the bed that will make it warmer. But, here is my ingenious solution: I bought a blanket for a twin bed. We have a queen. My wife’s side of the bed stays toasty (way too hot for flannel pajamas), while mine remains unaffected.
The second inspired gift? A space heater. Now, my wife can adjust the temperature of the bed and the room to her liking. Granted, the warm air from the heater makes its way over to my side, but it’s a small price to pay for the, eh, concurrent benefits.
Last I heard, my friend had imitated my resourcefulness, bringing a warming trend through his bedroom and putting hibernation on delay. The forecast called for a mild winter.
Men, atop the list of the best books I have ever read regarding husbanding is Lou Priolo’s The Complete Husband. It’s really nothing more than a walk through the Scripture’s teaching on our responsibilities. But the author’s practical wisdom, combined with lessons from years of counseling experience make it exceedingly helpful. I was going to recommend that you buy it and read it. But, I am willing to go one better. How about we read and discuss it together?
Here’s what I am thinking: I will post some thoughts once a week, then you add comments about your own experiences, challenges, successes, questions, thoughts, and suggestions. We can learn from and encourage each other.
If you are interested, go ahead and buy the book. Down the road a bit, we’ll start the discussion. Also, I would love to know if you are planning to be a part of the dialogue. So, leave a comment below if you are going to join us and whether you want to start before or after Christmas.
(Wives, if your husband doesn’t normally read this blog, feel free to mention this to him. You won’t be sorry.)
Well, ladies, how did it go? Leave your Comment below. I’d love to hear. And for my follow-up suggestion, try it when he gets home, too. (but you better have something ready for the kids to be doing, if you know what I mean) 