Your Wife’s Top Ten List (Number Two)

2. Physical Affection.

Your wife wants you to hold her hand, to hug her, to rest your hand on her thigh while driving, to stroke her hair and skin, to come up behind her at the sink and embrace, to give her back, shoulder, or feet rubs, and much more. She wants to be touched. With the rare exception of those who have been traumatized by abusers, a wife desires to be in regular contact with her husband’s body.

Every woman is different, so you have to learn where and how your wife enjoys being touched. But continual caressing expresses your desire to be near her. Touching is intimate, usually reserved for those we trust and want to be close to. Show her often how much you want to be close to her.

We are talking about touching without obvious sexual intent. Sometimes, she wants to be touched in a way that says, “I love you, and I just want to be with you and by you and touching you,” rather than “Can we have sex now?” If you only touch her in bed or when you are wanting to go to bed, she will feel used, not loved. On the other hand, frequent non-sexual touching often leads to frequent sexual touching. It’s one of the beautiful paradoxes of marriage.





  1. Discuss together how physically affectionate your parents were in the home and in public.
  2. Wife, describe the kinds of physical affection that you like and why.
  3. Husband, what would cause you not to want to touch your wife? Why?